The Second Coming Show
By Charles B. French
There’s a big difference
between expecting the Second Coming and doing little more than sitting around
and waiting for it. Not only does it make us look silly when it doesn’t happen,
we squander the time God has given us. We are meant to do so much more than
wait out the clock, and this script explores what happens with the people who
do.
Characters: The show is anchored by
cohosts Daniel and Mary. A reporter, Peter is out in the field.
Set notes: The set should somewhat
resemble a morning show. Daniel and Mary should sit in chairs stage center
while Peter stands off to one side. Some kind of morning show type music should
be played at the beginning and end.
The two hosts are talking
quietly to each other as the music plays and then turn to face the audience as
the music fades off.
Daniel: Hello. I’m Daniel Johnson.
Mary: And I’m Mary Matthews.
Welcome to The Second Coming Show, where we await the return of Jesus Christ,
who promised one day that He would return.
Daniel: We have correspondents all
over the globe, ready to report any happenings in a moment’s notice.
Mary: That’s right. When Christ
returns, you, the viewer will be the first to know with our up-to-the-minute
coverage of this blessed event.
Daniel: Let’s go to Peter Simonson,
our correspondent in Washington DC for an update on the current situation.
Peter.
Peter is standing off to the side of the stage. He is holding a microphone.
Peter: Thank you Daniel. As you
can see here behind me, Christ has not returned yet. That’s not to say that He
won’t any second now. And when He does, we’ll be ready to report that event to
you. Just as soon as it happens. Which could be any time now. That’s right. He
could be coming back right now.
Daniel: Peter, what is the current
situation there? What are you feeling? Are emotions running high? Tell us, in
your own words.
Peter: Well let me tell you that
there have been some really exciting developments over here.
Daniel: Really?
Peter: Yes. Unfortunately, none of
them have anything to do with the Second Coming.
Daniel: Are you sure? You haven’t
missed something.
Peter: No, I’m pretty sure.
Daniel: So, nothing.
Peter: Right.
Daniel: At all?
Peter: That’s right.
Daniel: And you’ve checked?
Peter: Yes.
There is a long, awkward
pause.
Daniel: All right, then. Thank you
Peter. Be sure to keep us up to date on this.
Peter: Will do.
Daniel: Mary, you have some insight
into what is sure to be the story of the Millennium.
Mary: You are speaking, of
course, on Christ’s return.
Daniel: Aren’t I always?
Mary: That you are. Well, Daniel.
You and the viewers may be aware that the Second Coming has not occurred yet.
We have been waiting and waiting, and there is still no sign of His imminent
return.
Daniel: And what do you have for us
on this subject.
Mary: Just to say that every
second is just one second closer to the Second Coming. Why, it could even
happen right now.
Daniel: You’re not serious, are
you?
Mary: Oh, I’m very serious. It
could happen. Even in the middle of this conversation. That’s right. Right now.
There is another long,
awkward pause.
Daniel: It doesn’t seem to be
happening now, does it?
Mary: Doesn’t look like it.
Daniel: Of course, it could happen
right now.
Mary: (pause) Or now. (pause)
Now. (pause) Now.
Daniel: Why don’t we go back to
Peter for an update? Peter?
Peter: Nothing is happening here,
Daniel. Absolutely nothing.
Daniel: Are you sure?
Peter: Quite sure. We have nothing
new to report. Zero. Zip. Nada. Zilch...
Daniel: (interrupting) I believe I get the point.
Peter: I’ll keep you posted.
Daniel: That’s our correspondent
Peter Simonson. (long pause) So,
Mary…
Mary: Yes.
Daniel: Anything else to tell us?
Mary: (thinks for a bit) No, I’m fresh out.
Daniel: You sure?
Mary: Positive.
Daniel: Because we’ve still got a
lot of time left to fill.
Mary: I know. I was expecting to
have something to report on and talk about.
Daniel: Such as the Second Coming?
Mary: Exactly.
Daniel: Doesn’t seem to be
happening right now, does it?
Mary: No.
Daniel: We probably should have
planned some more programming just in case.
Mary: Probably.
Daniel: Because, it would have
really come in handy right about now.
Mary: Any ideas?
There is a long pause as
they think.
Daniel: We could tell the folks at
home about our new sponsors.
Mary: Oh, yes. (He pulls out a flyer from a sponsor.)
Dangerous Dan’s Discount Furniture is having a Second Coming sale. No money down
and no payments ever, because by the time you get that couch, barcalounger, or
futon home, you’re sure to be raptured out of it.
Daniel: So be sure to hurry down
there and get yours today. (reads from
another flyer) Delicious Dave’s Pizza is offering an all you can eat before
Christ Returns lunch buffet. Since it’ll probably be your last meal, come on
down to Delicious Dave’s for a pizza buffet.
Mary: (reading from another flyer) Lucky Luke’s Auto Dealership is
offering a brand new Cadillac for the low, low price of three dollars. It’s his
“Get raptured while driving a really nice car off the lot for three dollars
special.” It’s been going on for a month and it’s been really popular.
Daniel: Yes, but I have some sad
news. I just got a notice telling me that Lucky Luke’s is going out of
business.
Mary: That’s a shame. I wonder
why that is?
Daniel: I have no idea. I never
studied economics. (pause) Well, that
should have eaten up a significant portion of time.
Mary: That’s true. We’re now even
that much closer to the Second Coming.
Daniel: So any minute now it could
happen. Let’s go back to our reporter in the field, Peter Simonson. Peter, any
new developments?
Peter: (really cranky and upset) What do you think? No, there are no new
updates. All I’m doing is standing around here waiting for the Second Coming.
That’s it. I could be reporting on any other event, but no, I’m stuck with this.
Do you have any idea what I’ve seen happen? I saw a high-speed police chase, a
thirteen car pile-up, two attempts on the President’s life, and a dog that can
bark “I love you.” But do I get to report any of that? No. I don’t. I could
have been a real reporter. I could have been on CNN.
Peter throws down his microphone and walks offstage in a huff.
Daniel: Thank you Peter. I guess we
have an opening for a new in-the-field reporter.
Mary: When do you suppose we’ll
have auditions?
Daniel: Normally we’d set something
up in a couple of days, but I’m pretty sure that we don’t have that long. (pause) That’s right. (pause) Any time now. (pause)
Mary: Well it appears that’s
we’ve run out of time this week. Be sure to join us next week as we await the
Second Coming of our Lord.
Daniel: So until then, though we
probably don’t have that long, be here or be raptured. Good night.
The music is cued back up
and they chat with each other.
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Second Coming Show Copyright © 2012 Charles B. French. All Rights Reserved.
You may perform this script for free as long as no admission is charged
for the performance. I would love to hear about how it went, so drop me a
line – you can find the address here.
Permission is required for performances in which admission is charged,
to record a performance of this script, or post any audio or video this
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